Tuesday, July 26, 2016
Friday, July 22, 2016
Monday, August 17, 2015
Project Deadline
"Bila kecil tak mau mampus, sekarang besar menyusahkan orang sahaja."
Project 到期了。我不要講多多。做好就好。不要麻煩同事，什麼事都好。
Project 到期了。我不要講多多。做好就好。不要麻煩同事，什麼事都好。
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Saturday, August 1, 2015
生活近况与心情周记
简单地给过去一星期的生活与情绪做个记录。将来作参考或翻阅解闷时或许会有意外的收获。
接到父亲短信通知阿公过世是西历四月我学期末赶着写毕业论文的时候。是时下午，我正步行到大街去买午餐。我没有惊讶，亦不难过，只有些许的遗憾--最后一次见他，听他说话，那是近一年半的事了。虽然我情绪大致平伏，但依过去经历，我知道自己常常心脑不一，主观情绪处理往往后知后觉。我以为要等到毕业后没那么忙才能真正体会阿公离开的事。
我的毕业论文献给阿公。那是我一月份阿公还在时的决定--三个礼拜草稿论文开章后，我决定要把论文献给阿婆（我爸爸的妈妈），还有阿公。 论文献词草稿一页，我写“and my grandfather”；四月尾论文正本写的是"and my late grandfather。"
至少两个月后在某天下午，我想起阿公，顿时体悟到他的不再与不在。
上个星期六Wendy's。 （生病。1MDB. 人在facebook骂马来人和印度人。Edelweiss, Alison Bechdel comics)
接到父亲短信通知阿公过世是西历四月我学期末赶着写毕业论文的时候。是时下午，我正步行到大街去买午餐。我没有惊讶，亦不难过，只有些许的遗憾--最后一次见他，听他说话，那是近一年半的事了。虽然我情绪大致平伏，但依过去经历，我知道自己常常心脑不一，主观情绪处理往往后知后觉。我以为要等到毕业后没那么忙才能真正体会阿公离开的事。
我的毕业论文献给阿公。那是我一月份阿公还在时的决定--三个礼拜草稿论文开章后，我决定要把论文献给阿婆（我爸爸的妈妈），还有阿公。 论文献词草稿一页，我写“and my grandfather”；四月尾论文正本写的是"and my late grandfather。"
至少两个月后在某天下午，我想起阿公，顿时体悟到他的不再与不在。
**
(待续）
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Translating displacement
I decided to translate a few lines drawn from a chapter by 黄琦旺, "难以置信” in 《问学札记》 ed. 许德发。
“我羡慕许多人的学习像一棵树，壮健的干，舒展的树杈，整整齐齐一系统然后开花结果。我的学习杂乱如野草，根茎紧贴泥土繁衍，几乎纯粹是野生。”
I envy how the learning of many people is like a tree -- a sturdy trunk, expanded twigs -- neatly makes one system, then blossoms and fruits. My learning is messy like weed -- their rhizomes proliferating close to soil -- almost like a natural, wild growth.
"补遗而回到真实？我感觉自己没有设定坐标习惯的身份在知识领域里完全是一个遗失：族群，家国认同，语言，属性，性别 ... ... 熟悉而陌生。”
Returning to authenticity by filling in absence? My identity, unaccustomed to coordinatization, feels like a total misplacement within the knowledge domain: ethnicity, homeland identification, language, belonging, gender ...... familiar yet strange.
--------------------------------------------
By taking on translation, I allowed myself to read slowly and intently. I felt my wholeness once again, in trying to preserve the correspondence of the original and translated texts. I was going to say that I labored to preserve the integrity of the translation. But what is lost, in translation? Maybe in the act of translation, loss is inevitable. From my misplacement to translation, my wholeness to broken crumbs of textual meaning, loss has merely been displaced.
“我羡慕许多人的学习像一棵树，壮健的干，舒展的树杈，整整齐齐一系统然后开花结果。我的学习杂乱如野草，根茎紧贴泥土繁衍，几乎纯粹是野生。”
I envy how the learning of many people is like a tree -- a sturdy trunk, expanded twigs -- neatly makes one system, then blossoms and fruits. My learning is messy like weed -- their rhizomes proliferating close to soil -- almost like a natural, wild growth.
"补遗而回到真实？我感觉自己没有设定坐标习惯的身份在知识领域里完全是一个遗失：族群，家国认同，语言，属性，性别 ... ... 熟悉而陌生。”
Returning to authenticity by filling in absence? My identity, unaccustomed to coordinatization, feels like a total misplacement within the knowledge domain: ethnicity, homeland identification, language, belonging, gender ...... familiar yet strange.
--------------------------------------------
By taking on translation, I allowed myself to read slowly and intently. I felt my wholeness once again, in trying to preserve the correspondence of the original and translated texts. I was going to say that I labored to preserve the integrity of the translation. But what is lost, in translation? Maybe in the act of translation, loss is inevitable. From my misplacement to translation, my wholeness to broken crumbs of textual meaning, loss has merely been displaced.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
The Inward (Re)Turn(s)
I had come across a saying--the exact quote I had forgotten--that went like this: Contempt is the extroversion (outward expression) of one's ineptitude.
Why do some people manage without fail to draw out my feeling of ineptitude, which I then repurpose as contempt?
Menutup aib. Like a lid over my shame. Bagai tudung menutup aib.
"Janganlah tunjuk kemaluan." 献丑。
Hmm, here we see the difference between shame and guilt. Shame is subject to probing. Shame posits a seer. Shame posits being seen. However, guilt inhabits the subject with no need of another subject's potential knowledge. Guilt is being in itself. Can one cover guilt, except to not feel it? Yet one may shame, while still feel shame.
Hmm.
Why do some people manage without fail to draw out my feeling of ineptitude, which I then repurpose as contempt?
Menutup aib. Like a lid over my shame. Bagai tudung menutup aib.
"Janganlah tunjuk kemaluan." 献丑。
Hmm, here we see the difference between shame and guilt. Shame is subject to probing. Shame posits a seer. Shame posits being seen. However, guilt inhabits the subject with no need of another subject's potential knowledge. Guilt is being in itself. Can one cover guilt, except to not feel it? Yet one may shame, while still feel shame.
Hmm.
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