Thursday, December 25, 2014
December 25, 2014 (Thursday)
I went to Quincy Market with Steven and his friend, Eugene on Christmas Eve, and I can't help noticing again how he treated me differently in other people's presence. Even though it's not unusual for friends to be different around other people, I really do not appreciate the way I was treated. Objectively speaking, I should also reflect on our relationship and how I treated Steven to understand our interpersonal dynamics. I did. And I decided I could not place too much confidence in this person anymore. I will remain cordial and friendly, but that's about it.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
November 3, 2014 (Monday)
刚跟朋友吵架。
他轻轻松松的一句话刺伤我。我跟他提起他觉得我为了一句而纠结很好笑。
大家都知道anybody can say whatever they want. 可是你对我anybody那我很难当你somebody!
所谓言者无心，听者有意。为什么不多用心呢？俗话说，讲话没有过大脑！
稍微反省一下后觉得自己也不可能面面俱到，生活中言谈举止伤害人自己也不知道，怎么能要求人家事事顺己。
我想起上午和另一个朋友谈起他，才叫那个朋友不要提他考驾照不及格的事，不想叫他难为情。
其实我觉得要是真嘲笑他，他也不会表现得介意。
大家在意，关心的人事物都不同，心都放在不同地方，是以就算用心也未必得力(*)。
我不喜欢！
-------------------------------------
*这个词用得怪怪的。
他轻轻松松的一句话刺伤我。我跟他提起他觉得我为了一句而纠结很好笑。
大家都知道anybody can say whatever they want. 可是你对我anybody那我很难当你somebody!
所谓言者无心，听者有意。为什么不多用心呢？俗话说，讲话没有过大脑！
稍微反省一下后觉得自己也不可能面面俱到，生活中言谈举止伤害人自己也不知道，怎么能要求人家事事顺己。
我想起上午和另一个朋友谈起他，才叫那个朋友不要提他考驾照不及格的事，不想叫他难为情。
其实我觉得要是真嘲笑他，他也不会表现得介意。
大家在意，关心的人事物都不同，心都放在不同地方，是以就算用心也未必得力(*)。
我不喜欢！
-------------------------------------
*这个词用得怪怪的。
Sunday, October 19, 2014
October 19, 2014 (Sunday)
I came across the following passage in Jonathan Spence's The Search for Modern China which gave a snapshot of life during the Cultural Revolution in China:
"Before every meal, the Chen villagers held what was almost a religious service for Mao, reciting some of his quotations, singing verses from the Red Guard anthem "The East is Red," and offering a little prayer aloud:
We respectfully wish a long life to the reddest red sun in our hearts, the great leader Chairman Mao. And to Vice Chairman Lin Biao's health: may he be forever healthy. Having been liberated by the land reform we will never forget the Communist Party, and in revolution we will forever follow Chairman Mao!" " (Spence, 553-54)
The ritual was strikingly similar to the Muslim prayers recited in my middle school every morning. The ideological indoctrination carried out in totalitarian, Communist regimes have been compared to the substitution of man in the place of God, the leader in lieu of the prophet - and the zeal of the ideologues often outmatch the devotion of the religious followers. Some religious people therefore discredit Communism, whether in theory or practice, because of its perceived usurpation of some God's rightful position as the object of devotion. From an agnostic position, such comparisons could also work against organized religions. For instead of seeing leader idolatry within the totalitarian Communist regimes as the usurpation of some God's rightful position, however, I see it as evidence for the potential and fact of using religions, especially the organized, Abrahamic kind, as the ideology and methods for total control of a society.
The above passage also sparked the idea of improvising ritual (whether religious or not) as a way to escape, at least psychologically, from the total control of some earthly authority. I recall the time in the last year of my high school when I felt really pressured to submit to school authority. More than a few times when that pressure was almost emotionally crushing, I brought out quotes of Nietzsche and recited them to the quiet, dark night, repeatedly, for repetition is the constitution of ritual. Generally speaking, by making new rituals, a space unmolested by power, one uncharted by laws, is created. There one may find respite from, and the key out of the kind of morality caging the Nietzschean beast.
Amin.
"Before every meal, the Chen villagers held what was almost a religious service for Mao, reciting some of his quotations, singing verses from the Red Guard anthem "The East is Red," and offering a little prayer aloud:
We respectfully wish a long life to the reddest red sun in our hearts, the great leader Chairman Mao. And to Vice Chairman Lin Biao's health: may he be forever healthy. Having been liberated by the land reform we will never forget the Communist Party, and in revolution we will forever follow Chairman Mao!" " (Spence, 553-54)
The ritual was strikingly similar to the Muslim prayers recited in my middle school every morning. The ideological indoctrination carried out in totalitarian, Communist regimes have been compared to the substitution of man in the place of God, the leader in lieu of the prophet - and the zeal of the ideologues often outmatch the devotion of the religious followers. Some religious people therefore discredit Communism, whether in theory or practice, because of its perceived usurpation of some God's rightful position as the object of devotion. From an agnostic position, such comparisons could also work against organized religions. For instead of seeing leader idolatry within the totalitarian Communist regimes as the usurpation of some God's rightful position, however, I see it as evidence for the potential and fact of using religions, especially the organized, Abrahamic kind, as the ideology and methods for total control of a society.
The above passage also sparked the idea of improvising ritual (whether religious or not) as a way to escape, at least psychologically, from the total control of some earthly authority. I recall the time in the last year of my high school when I felt really pressured to submit to school authority. More than a few times when that pressure was almost emotionally crushing, I brought out quotes of Nietzsche and recited them to the quiet, dark night, repeatedly, for repetition is the constitution of ritual. Generally speaking, by making new rituals, a space unmolested by power, one uncharted by laws, is created. There one may find respite from, and the key out of the kind of morality caging the Nietzschean beast.
Amin.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
October 16, 2014 (Thursday)
Today is Shemini Azaret.
I was walking to Main Street in the afternoon to pick up my lunch. While waiting for the traffic light, I was humming Debussy's "The Girl with the Flaxen Hair."
A middle-aged man approached me. The following exchange took place.
"Man . . . wow . . . do you play any instruments?"
"Erm, no."
"Come on man . . . piano? Guitar? I was in a band, and we're looking for someone . . . "
"No."
"Yeah yeah, I know this place in Central Square. There's a Chinese guy . . . Asian guy . . . long hair . . . You know this place in Central Square? Gah, I forgot the name . . . You know you can walk a few steps after where the bus stops. Lots of Indian people . . . and then Japanese . . . it's like Japan."
"Oh."
"Yeah man." (continue rambling)
"Sorry, what's this place you were telling me?"
"Here, let me show you my library card. Where do you go to school?"
"(my school)"
"Yeah, you can go to the Waltham Library. They have computers there, youtube facebook . . . Here let me show you something." (pulling up his jeans, reaching into socks.)
At this point I fancy him pulling out a knife and stab me in the chest. Yes, I'm going to die all because I was too polite to walk away.
Then he showed me his dragon tattoo above his ankle. "Yeah, I got this because I think it'll bring me good luck."
"Oh."
"Hey, I gotta go. I'm going this way."
"Bye."
I was walking to Main Street in the afternoon to pick up my lunch. While waiting for the traffic light, I was humming Debussy's "The Girl with the Flaxen Hair."
A middle-aged man approached me. The following exchange took place.
"Man . . . wow . . . do you play any instruments?"
"Erm, no."
"Come on man . . . piano? Guitar? I was in a band, and we're looking for someone . . . "
"No."
"Yeah yeah, I know this place in Central Square. There's a Chinese guy . . . Asian guy . . . long hair . . . You know this place in Central Square? Gah, I forgot the name . . . You know you can walk a few steps after where the bus stops. Lots of Indian people . . . and then Japanese . . . it's like Japan."
"Oh."
"Yeah man." (continue rambling)
"Sorry, what's this place you were telling me?"
"Here, let me show you my library card. Where do you go to school?"
"(my school)"
"Yeah, you can go to the Waltham Library. They have computers there, youtube facebook . . . Here let me show you something." (pulling up his jeans, reaching into socks.)
At this point I fancy him pulling out a knife and stab me in the chest. Yes, I'm going to die all because I was too polite to walk away.
Then he showed me his dragon tattoo above his ankle. "Yeah, I got this because I think it'll bring me good luck."
"Oh."
"Hey, I gotta go. I'm going this way."
"Bye."
Monday, June 23, 2014
June 22, 2014 (Sunday)
1. Officially started my first day of volunteering today. Everything was easy because the supervisor hadn't assigned me any difficult task. Will need to prove myself before I shoulder greater responsibility.
2. I met a guy - Matthieu - on Saturday evening. It was interesting. Matthieu, on first impression, seemed like "everything" I could have been, and better.
Song irrelevant to written content.
Saturday, May 24, 2014
May 24, 2014 (Saturday)
Wednesday night, I crossed the street around midnight to the house of a 24-year-old stranger.
I don't know what is it about him that kinda attracted me now.
- Jewish
- grad student
- same department
- ridiculous glasses ("oh I like your glasses. haha. Even though it looked kinda stupid in the pic you sent me.")
- beard ("nothing, it's just I've never been with a guy with beard.")
- gentle ("you don't have to if you don't want to.")
- bi ("Are you, like, bi?") ("oh god, it's like, I have a bi-dar.")
- big ("Your arm is so big.")
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday afternoon, I had a (blind) coffee date with a guy at Harvard Square. He turned out to be a physics graduate student from India.
On our way to his apartment:
"My musical taste used to be biased heavily toward western classical."
"Used to?"
"Yeah. Then, you know, it felt kinda weird. I mean, it's not weird ,but, you know, colonialism."
"Of course it's weird!"
"Yeah. So I stopped listening to them, stopped playing the piano for a few years."
"Then, it was kinda difficult. So I continued. Like, whatever."
"I always try to be balanced about my musical selections."
"Mm hmm."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last night, I dreamed about Phillip again. I was in the kitchen and I can hear his voice making casual comments about the house.
I don't know what is it about him that kinda attracted me now.
- Jewish
- grad student
- same department
- ridiculous glasses ("oh I like your glasses. haha. Even though it looked kinda stupid in the pic you sent me.")
- beard ("nothing, it's just I've never been with a guy with beard.")
- gentle ("you don't have to if you don't want to.")
- bi ("Are you, like, bi?") ("oh god, it's like, I have a bi-dar.")
- big ("Your arm is so big.")
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday afternoon, I had a (blind) coffee date with a guy at Harvard Square. He turned out to be a physics graduate student from India.
On our way to his apartment:
"My musical taste used to be biased heavily toward western classical."
"Used to?"
"Yeah. Then, you know, it felt kinda weird. I mean, it's not weird ,but, you know, colonialism."
"Of course it's weird!"
"Yeah. So I stopped listening to them, stopped playing the piano for a few years."
"Then, it was kinda difficult. So I continued. Like, whatever."
"I always try to be balanced about my musical selections."
"Mm hmm."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last night, I dreamed about Phillip again. I was in the kitchen and I can hear his voice making casual comments about the house.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Reminder
This should serve as a reminder that:
No bad faith. Execute the actions required and implied by my faith, want and desires.
No bad faith. Execute the actions required and implied by my faith, want and desires.
Jan 04, 2014 (Saturday)
I took a bus to Teluk Intan on Jan 03 to visit a friend in college, a Ms T.
She showed me around in her hometown this morning, before we departed for the hot springs in Sungkai in the afternoon.
We played some duet pieces together on her keyboard later in the evening after we got back from Sungkai.
The two of us went out for dinner and managed to have some private conversations, before it was 9:20 pm and Ms T was urged by her mother to return home.
I am recording this on a desk in a motel room.
She showed me around in her hometown this morning, before we departed for the hot springs in Sungkai in the afternoon.
We played some duet pieces together on her keyboard later in the evening after we got back from Sungkai.
The two of us went out for dinner and managed to have some private conversations, before it was 9:20 pm and Ms T was urged by her mother to return home.
I am recording this on a desk in a motel room.
Some things I did in November and December
I had joined the quidditch team earlier.
After one of the earliest practices, the team sat together and talked about their pooing habits. Lying on the grass, looking at the dark blue sky, I felt serenity again.
After one of the earliest practices, the team sat together and talked about their pooing habits. Lying on the grass, looking at the dark blue sky, I felt serenity again.
Gazing up at the dark sky spangled with its signs and stars, for the first time, the first, I laid my heart open to the benign indifference of the universe.
-- Albert Camus, The Stranger
I joined the university chorus and practiced singing the bass. Some friends went to my first performance. I sang the Hallelujah in Handel's Messiah.
I touched Philip's back and he hugged me during a LGBT-themed dance party.
I tutored a high school student math and chemistry.
I went to Massachusetts Historical Society.
I took a flight back to my country.
I got drunk on New Years Eve after a mildly stressful family gathering.
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