Earlier in the morning I described how I felt "uprooted from my cultural substratum" to Emmy.
I drew the picture to the following music.
Oh ya, toward the completion of the drawing I wept a little bit.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
July 30, 2013 (Tuesday)
After preparing some chemicals at work this afternoon, I walked back home and took a shower. On my way back I had a rush of inspiration to give visual form to a vague, somewhat amorphous feeling I've been dealing with for quite some time, on the scale of years. It was till recent months that I learnt and applied the language to speak of it. The result is as follows:
Earlier in the morning I described how I felt "uprooted from my cultural substratum" to Emmy.
I drew the picture to the following music.
Oh ya, toward the completion of the drawing I wept a little bit.
Earlier in the morning I described how I felt "uprooted from my cultural substratum" to Emmy.
I drew the picture to the following music.
Oh ya, toward the completion of the drawing I wept a little bit.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
July 24, 2013 (Tuesday)
Even though I promised Mark that I would be able to make it to the lab at 9:30 in the morning, I did not. I called him at 10:30am and told him I had overslept.
I have started working (slowly!) on my poster.
I called Papa and Mother today. They had to cancel their travel plans because of other commitments. I might be projecting, but I assumed it was Papa's call to cancel, and Mother just had to acquiesce in his somewhat unilateral decision.
That aside, we talked about my work in the lab, my travel plans for the rest of the summer. Papa was keen to see that I travel. I suppose Mother was expressedly more keen, but potentially because of our gendered power differential I had been ignoring what she said. Their expectation was not inconsistent with my personal interest to travel, but I could be a huge procrastinator.
That aside, I told Mother first, then Papa, that I intend to come out to the extended family when I go home this coming winter. Both of them were receptive to the idea, and offered to cushion the shock of the news that I'm gay by broaching on the subject of (my!?) homosexuality before my return. In the rhetoric of the PRC, 做好思想教育准备工作。I am once again moved by their acceptance of, not just my sexuality, but me.
Papa assured me that they both had fully accepted that fact that I'm gay. He suggested that I let him break the news for me, though I told him I felt I would prefer telling "it" myself. I said no matter how old, I believe people have the capacity and should be allowed to change and grow. (Internally, I understand that I have enough love to believe and expect my family's acceptance, and hence I'm willing to take the risk of coming out for that full acceptance of me as a Person.) Papa said he was glad I had the confidence for myself.
I continued discussing the technicalities of breaking the news with Mother before ending the hour-long conversation.
I have started working (slowly!) on my poster.
I called Papa and Mother today. They had to cancel their travel plans because of other commitments. I might be projecting, but I assumed it was Papa's call to cancel, and Mother just had to acquiesce in his somewhat unilateral decision.
That aside, we talked about my work in the lab, my travel plans for the rest of the summer. Papa was keen to see that I travel. I suppose Mother was expressedly more keen, but potentially because of our gendered power differential I had been ignoring what she said. Their expectation was not inconsistent with my personal interest to travel, but I could be a huge procrastinator.
That aside, I told Mother first, then Papa, that I intend to come out to the extended family when I go home this coming winter. Both of them were receptive to the idea, and offered to cushion the shock of the news that I'm gay by broaching on the subject of (my!?) homosexuality before my return. In the rhetoric of the PRC, 做好思想教育准备工作。I am once again moved by their acceptance of, not just my sexuality, but me.
Papa assured me that they both had fully accepted that fact that I'm gay. He suggested that I let him break the news for me, though I told him I felt I would prefer telling "it" myself. I said no matter how old, I believe people have the capacity and should be allowed to change and grow. (Internally, I understand that I have enough love to believe and expect my family's acceptance, and hence I'm willing to take the risk of coming out for that full acceptance of me as a Person.) Papa said he was glad I had the confidence for myself.
I continued discussing the technicalities of breaking the news with Mother before ending the hour-long conversation.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
July 20, 2013 (Friday)
Today Emmy and I talked about Nietzsche because I bumped into her in the SCC reading Nietzsche.
I googled "understanding European modernity" and bumped into this page and what was written scared the shit out of me and I feel so vulnerable again.
I argued with Stefan about Islam and the West yesterday while walking him to the commuter rail station. I vaguely feel that if he weren't white or European I would be more ready to agree with him on the fact that Islam is worse than Christianity, even though objectively I still disagree with that claim. I don't think it's academically honest to compare radical Islam with the modern version of secular Christianity, turning a blind eye from the European and colonial history of witch burning and religious persecution.
I googled "understanding European modernity" and bumped into this page and what was written scared the shit out of me and I feel so vulnerable again.
I argued with Stefan about Islam and the West yesterday while walking him to the commuter rail station. I vaguely feel that if he weren't white or European I would be more ready to agree with him on the fact that Islam is worse than Christianity, even though objectively I still disagree with that claim. I don't think it's academically honest to compare radical Islam with the modern version of secular Christianity, turning a blind eye from the European and colonial history of witch burning and religious persecution.
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