Thursday, June 27, 2013

June 27, 2013 (Thursday)

It is important and substantial to my life history and present integrity to note that on the evening of June 25 (Tuesday) while in the laboratory, I asked Philip if he wanted to come over to my place as I had planned to make fried rice, an invitation which he declined. I am nevertheless happy.

Today's evening, Emmy strongly confronted my lack of consideration for other people, about how I attempt to withhold information to retain power. I said I regret if I hurt her feelings, and only that much I am willing to concede. I am sad that once again my apparently incapability to care had offended other people and friends, especially in this instance or relationship when I have already been conscious of my lacking of concern for her. I said lacking, which should not be construed to mean complete lack of care.

I am scared that our friendship is over.

I wrote on a piece of paper -

"I am a subject. I am a subject. I am a subject. I am a subject. I am a subject. I am a subject. I am a subject. I am a subject.

I will not apologize save for instances in which apology would repair, compensate, remedy for a person's dignity, feelings, and integrity, and only when I voluntarily, wholeheartedly agree to be at fault. Apology will only be offered to the extent of my fault."

Strange, I spent all afternoon thinking about how I hate my father and will not apologize for that vicious sentiment. The evening concludes on a similar theme, with a friend accusing me of ...... a crime which hasn't even been articulated fully! I told her through facebook -

"I find today's exchanges totally shocking. The interactions among people is frequently so subtle that language will not give a full account of the reasons behind any friction. I regret if I hurt your feelings."




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