It is important and substantial to my life history and present integrity to note that on the evening of June 25 (Tuesday) while in the laboratory, I asked Philip if he wanted to come over to my place as I had planned to make fried rice, an invitation which he declined. I am nevertheless happy.
Today's evening, Emmy strongly confronted my lack of consideration for other people, about how I attempt to withhold information to retain power. I said I regret if I hurt her feelings, and only that much I am willing to concede. I am sad that once again my apparently incapability to care had offended other people and friends, especially in this instance or relationship when I have already been conscious of my lacking of concern for her. I said lacking, which should not be construed to mean complete lack of care.
I am scared that our friendship is over.
I wrote on a piece of paper -
"I am a subject. I am a subject. I am a subject. I am a subject. I am a subject. I am a subject. I am a subject. I am a subject.
I will not apologize save for instances in which apology would repair, compensate, remedy for a person's dignity, feelings, and integrity, and only when I voluntarily, wholeheartedly agree to be at fault. Apology will only be offered to the extent of my fault."
Strange, I spent all afternoon thinking about how I hate my father and will not apologize for that vicious sentiment. The evening concludes on a similar theme, with a friend accusing me of ...... a crime which hasn't even been articulated fully! I told her through facebook -
"I find today's exchanges totally shocking. The interactions among people is frequently so subtle that language will not give a full account of the reasons behind any friction. I regret if I hurt your feelings."
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